Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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