i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
