he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
