Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
