He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
