the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
