Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
