Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
