I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
