I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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