I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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