I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.