I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
