Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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