If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
