I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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