Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
