Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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