Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am puke
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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