There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
