you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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