I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
