i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
