Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
