Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
