youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
