I'm lost and stupid without you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dicks are not precious.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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