i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
