Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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