Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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