I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am one with the molecules
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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