It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
