Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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