i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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