Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
