This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
