I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
