sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
