He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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