I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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