So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
