I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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