I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
