OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
