i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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