I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
