So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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