I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
