nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you have feelings for this penis?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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