meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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