just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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