oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
