He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
