I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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