Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
