How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
