Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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