We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
