this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
