I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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