yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
