the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
