Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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