Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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