nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos