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I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
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