we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dating After Heartbreak
I think I sprained my soul last night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?