shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes