I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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