Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing