Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
