Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm too high and old for this...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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