she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
