yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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