I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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