I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
