you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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