i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
