I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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