We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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