what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
