I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
