thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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