Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
