Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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