I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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