Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
