if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will be naked everywhere
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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