He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
