Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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