It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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