Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
