pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
