Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
