Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
