Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
